1. Cold.

When I thought about it, I thought I could never do it. I couldn't fathom being turned on, let alone cumming on the day you left. I would have moments where I would ache to touch you, to run the back of my fingers over your cheek, graze them over the line of your stubble. And while thinking about you makes my heart beat faster and my stomach tighten, today I feel like I could never get to a place where I could cum.

But you have left me with an assignment and I will not let you down. You may not be here, but I am still yours wholly.

So I start with porn. I watch anything that comes onto my screen. I watch two beautiful girls fucking each other desperately. I watch play rapes unfold at school and in the desert. I watch a mother disciplining her naughty daughter, and then apologizing with her fingers. There are moments where I am frustrated with my non-response, but I refuse to stop.

And then it is there. I watch as a man, a beautiful man with stunning arms which remind me of yours, wraps his hand tightly around the neck of a dark-haired girl. I watch her struggle and I think about pressing into your hand last night. I see the pain on her face as she remains achingly still, struggling to gasp, and I remember staring you in the eye while I felt my lungs strain. I watch her lips part and nothing come out and I feel mine open, desperate to kiss you one more time.

My cunt contracts and I feel myself begin to get wetter and wetter as I think back to the way you made me tremble last night. I watch him fuck her while he grips her throat and my cunt pulses. I can feel my clit swell under and between my fingers as my pussy is slicked.

My fingers begin to push into my pussy. I tighten a little around them, and slide them back up to my swelling clit. The man in the movie releases her throat and she gasps loudly. I remember that gasp, and that collapse onto your body. As my pussy opens and I begin to get wetter and wetter, I know I am ready for the first part of my task.

The two-headed glass dildo I am going to use has been waiting for me in the freezer. It burns my hand when I grab it tightly. I can't imagine what it will do to my cunt. Goosebumps spread up my arm and then blossom across the rest of my body when I think about it. My skin is alive and my cunt is glistening. I squeeze it and feel how unforgiving it is, how unforgiving it will be on my cunt.

Before I leave the kitchen, I turn on the pot of boiling water and wonder which will come first.

When I first touch the iced tip to my clit I release a staggered gasp. It comes out broken and harried. As much as I anticipated this feeling, stroking ice cold glass full against your cunt is always a new feeling. I keep the porn going, watching intently, trying to focus on anything excited the strokes of pain which run up and down my clit.

My hand shakes as I force myself, beginning to press the hard dildo to my pussy and my fingers find my clit instead. As the pads of my fingers run up and down, I shiver again. Cold spreads, enveloping my body. My nipples stand at attention and I think back to you, telling me exactly what you want me to do. This push, this meditation on your voice and face, and I slip the dildo inside my cunt and whimper to no one.

I am alone in my apartment, legs spread, feet up on the couch, and knees pointed up. And I begin to fuck myself. The dildo is so cold that it burns the inside of my cunt. It sears. I whimper and wince and let my eyes close and picture you. I picture you watching me. I hear your voice coaxing me as I achingly fuck myself, "That's it, _______. That's it." The second your voice comes into my head, I feel my cunt tense around the dildo for the first time.

As I tense, I feel it burn my cunt, and slowly release. Again, my pussy tenses. Again. And every time, I feel the dildo get just a little warmer. I know it must still be frozen inside me, destroying skin and flesh, but I cannot stop. Almost without my knowledge I have begun to feel pleasure and I am surprised when a soft moan leaves my lips.

I begin to fuck myself a little harder, twisting the curved dildo as I begin to pump it inside my cunt over and over, firmly fucking myself and thinking of you. It has warmed just enough to where my fingers move faster on my swollen clit. The burning, the searing pain is gone. I have pushed through and this is my reward.

I am rewarded when I may cum thinking of you. And I am.

I keep fucking myself faster, harder, whimpering loudly as my fingers work my clit fearlessly. My toes curl as I fuck myself harder, your voice in my head, encouraging me. I think of your eyes on me. My pussy tenses harder, tighter. My chest rises as I gasp for air, as I begin to cry out louder and louder. My fingers work my cunt and I wonder if I am going to hurt tomorrow.

When I cum, I cry out. I scream your name and it bounces off the walls of my apartment. This orgasm, these tensing muscles, these beads of sweat, these whimpers, this pained look on my face, these closed eyes, and most of all, this pounding heart - all of it belongs to you. When I am not here, I am still your girl and I still scream out your name, Sir.

I take a moment after I cum to breathe, and the pot of water is boiling. I take a deep breath before I stand but I still fill almost drunk. But there is more to be done, and I walk over, turn off the heat, and drop the cum-slicked dildo into a boiling pot of water. In a half hour I will return, and I will commence with a second round.

But for now, I have cum, and while my body is still buzzing, my heart is coming to rest.