Tell me anything.

I can tell you anything? Anything in the world? Anything?

How about this: Sometimes I like to fantasize about laying on my stomach with my ass perched up just enough so that you can fuck me from behind. You're holding my hips and slamming into me. I'm leaning on my forearms and gripping the sheets, and you're fucking me deeper and deeper. I put one hand down between my legs to rub my clit hard, pushing back against you. Sometimes you grab my hair and turn my head to spit on my face, and then you turn my head back down into the bed. You cum inside me, hard, grinding your cock into my pussy, making sure that every time you explode, I am filled. Then you turn me over and make me rub my clit and finger myself for you. You watch as your cum coats my fingers and I keep shoving them back in, forcing every single drop I can deeper into my cunt. You hold my legs open, pressing them down, knowing it probably hurts a bit, until I cum for you, one hand on my clit, one hand fucking myself, covered in my cum and yours.


Sometimes.

I made it to 28!

... Which means I'm not so much a tortured genius as much as a pithy asshole. I'm generally not one for birthdays publicly/socially (I take it off my Facebook, even. I'm that bad.) but I like that you have an annual moment to reflect.

Twenty-seven was a big year, lots and lots of milestones. New degree, change in primary relationship (girlfriend/primary partner is now ex-girlfriend/best friend), new love, new boundaries broken down, lots of travel, new goals, new workout routine, new parties, new social media (fuck you all for judging, I joined Pinterest and now have a much better grasp of recipes and workouts), new curiosities. Same prude, new horizons, I guess. It's been an incredible year. Thanks for sticking with me.

And in this time of re-steadying my eyes, here is my list of what I want this year.

1. Stretching. I work out a lot, and have been trying to do more throughout the day and I almost never stretch unless I'm in a class, it's instructed, and I haven't snuck out as the stretching starts. This is terrible! I need to stretch more or else something's going to snap. And it's not like the rest of my life is about sitting at a desk and resting. Also, still no health insurance (not like anything I'd get would cover the physical therapy from an injury).

2. I want to top more men this year. I don't nearly enough, mostly because I have trouble finding the right male bottoms/subs, but I want to stop assuming that it simply is too hard to make happen. I love the feeling of dominating a strong, deserving man; breaking him down and making him a stronger, more exceptional version of himself. With fists, feet, a strap on, hands, needles, words, hope, affection and absolutely unrelenting expectations for him to meet. 

3. More art. I love visual art, and I want to make some time and space in my life to create that again. I miss having those moments where I see something in my mind's eye and then I create it. That means time to paint, time to decorate, and creating beautiful, intricate scenes which are really something to look at. But also, it means more museums and galleries and openings. Can you believe I've lived here just shy on six years and have never been to the Guggenheim? Or the Brooklyn Museum? It's really sad.

4. I want to up the ante. I love dark psychological play, but my triggers have generally been worked out to some extent, and the ones which haven't been are reinforced. I want to do some more elaborate scenes this year which are about breaking down boundaries, and not just having fun and getting fucked. I've been playing more with this (Mr. Smith is a glorious, twisted man and I am a lucky, lucky girl), and I feel like a switch has been flipped. I don't want to say I've been getting bored, but my play needs to expand in new ways. I'm ready and solid enough in myself to really delve deeper in those areas we don't play in. Dark, dark shit.

5. I want to do this: http://theprudelibrarian.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-cant-tell-you-how-many-times-ive.html . FINALLY.

6. I want to be in my apartment in one year. This sounds far more intense than it actually is. My rent went up and my lease went month-to-month, so I'm literally just trying to figure out if it makes sense for me to stay here. It's large for one person, but I love this place and I just have to see.

7. And that being said - more sex parties and cocktail parties. I've been making more interesting cocktails, and I want to fill this house more often. With sex and booze and gorgeous people. I would love to throw some beautiful parties this year.

8. I want to spend the summer in this dress: http://www.etsy.com/listing/130565844/limited-holy-rockabilly-dress-batman

9. I want the people I love to be happy. I love service, and I have had some wonderful and incredibly thoughtful conversations lately around love, relationships, and how I come to kink and D/s dynamics specifically. I could expand on this, but there are some things that the Prude has to keep to herself. But suffice it to say, I hope that in the next year I am the best addition to the lives of those I love that I can be.

10. I want the tattoo I'm literally getting as I type this. Literally being inked right this moment.

For the file. 001

I woke up wet. I woke up needing to be fucked. I was fantasizing all morning about laying on my back, kissing you, clothes moving out of the way, tongues and mouths devouring. I wanted to kiss you while you fucked me. I wanted to pull one leg back to stretch my cunt open wider, to feel you pound harder.

But alas, you're not here.

So then I was just fucking horny, wet, and without your cock or fingers to make that ache end.

But that's why it's lovely to be in New York, and the wherewithal to address such needs. There is a lovely man who I just adore, who fucks me quite well, and whose cock is thick and swollen and beautiful. He pounds my pussy, and I love gagging on him, kneeling in his apartment.

And with my pussy already wet, my mind already whirring, and my desire to get fucked already outweighing my desire to finish working on an outline for a conference paper I have to write, I wrote the following texts to him:

11:56AM There isn't a chance in hell you're working from home today, huh?
11:56AM I am absolutely frustratingly horny and want to get fucked and I really love how you fuck me. I'll even bring a sandwich!
11:57AM I want to come over sans panties and climb onto your lap and ride you until I cum.
11:58AM I love being on my knees with your cock in my mouth.
11:58AM I want you in my throat
11:59AM I want to shove my fingers inside myself while spit runs down between my tits.
11:59AM I want to such your cock until I taste your precum and then I want you to pound my wet cunt.
12:00PM I want you to hold me down and fuck me until it hurts.
12:00PM My clit is swollen. I'm soaked. I haven't fingered myself yet today.
12:01PM I can feel how wet I am through my panties. The fabric is soaked through.
12:01PM I want you to fucking fill me. I want to be sore tomorrow and know what I slut I was.
12:03AM I want to cum. I want to drip down my thighs. And then I want to lick my fingers clean.
12:05AM I want to ride you until I cum all over your cock. I want you to feel my cum running down over your balls.
12:05PM And then I want you to fuck me hard. I want to be sore.
12:07PM And I'm a sweet girl, I should get what I want. :)

(Note: I'm actually not just randomly flooding some poor man's phone with these. Responses were removed and names changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

2. Heat

I listened very carefully. I boiled the water, dropping in the dildo and watching it slide and sink into the water. My cum slides off in rivets.

I turn off the water and wait. Over the next 20 - 30 minutes I will putter around the house, cleaning, trying to calm down, trying not to think about what is next. I can still feel my cunt soaked. I read, hoping to lose myself in page after page, but every time I shift, I can feel my cunt. Every time I close my eyes, I can see the mouth I would gladly beg to kiss. Every time I try, I can feel the brush and tickle of your beard on my skin and hear the gravel in your voice as you encourage me to cum for you.

25 minutes passes achingly slow, and when the buzzer explodes through the silence, I am up and staring at what will be a fascinating experience.

The dildo, its beautiful blue swirls through the clear glass rippling slightly under the water, is heated and waiting, and will soon be buried to the hilt in my cunt. I fight to get it out, trying to hold my finger back, and then finally plunging it into the once-boiling water. I run the tip of my index finger over the shaft of it, sliding it under the cooling water, the way I would explore your cock.

I finally, tentatively pull it out. It warms and glows with heat, but not enough to hurt. I can already feel my heart race at what will happen next.

I settle back onto the couch, sliding down my panties once again. They have been slicked by the last 25 minutes of sitting in them, pressing my legs together and thinking about you watching me. I begin rubbing my clit, which is still sensitive from the orgasm only a half hour ago. I am almost surprised at how wet I still am, how much my pussy is still swollen, how much my clit remains aching.

I close my eyes, thinking about you watching me as I slide the almost too warm dildo inside my pussy. I wince just slightly as my cunt envelops the head and the shaft. I am stunned by the sensation, which teeters on the edge of pain and discomfort, but lives wholly within the bounds of pleasure.

I settle into it, sitting still, fingers moving slowly in circles on my clit. I adjust slowly, but I do adjust, and allow the heat to creep into my wet, soft flesh. I can feel it radiate, moving through the layers of skin and nerves, and though I am not being fucked, new sensations are still expanding through my body. My mind is whirring to try and place the new feelings, and all I can thinking is that, as my pussy contracts and pulses and tenses, this is what it would be like to pee and be fucked at the same time - a talent I have never been able to achieve.

The stiffness strikes me just as much. My pussy pulses around the unforgiving glass. While the firmness of your cock pounds me, the soft skin massages my own inside my pussy. I tense and you swell. I pump and you push back. This is not that, and I am fucking something solid and unrelenting on my cunt. The harder I try and fuck, the more I am being fucked.

I simply want more and more, and fuck myself harder and harder. I begin to twist, and the curve of he dildo touches and stretches everything inside me.

I open my mouth and whimper. And while I say whimper, I do not mean it is powerless. It is aching and writhing and begins from deep in my throat. It is soft but not strangled, rich but not overwhelming. It, much like every sensation, is yours. I fuck myself thinking of you, serving you, dreaming of you watching me, and knowing that even while you are there and I am here - I am yours.

I fuck myself harder than I expect. I fuck myself until I am sure that I will be sore tomorrow. While you are not here, the pain that I can feel tomorrow every time I sit down, the ache from a task that you give me will still remind me of you,  and I will still smile to myself while I wince.

I cum, but this time it is un eventful. I will not lie and say it wasn't pleasurable - I cum, moaning and crying out to only the echo in my apartment and the neighbors who are unfortunate enough to hear it. I cum loud and I cum hard. But I did not ask you permission and so it means little and I almost feel undeserving. If I knew you less well, or if you were a different man - if my service meant more without my pleasure - I would have forgone cumming entirely. But that is not you, and I revel as much as I can in this solitary moment.

The ache tomorrow will mean much, much more than the scream of an orgasm tonight.

This Works.

I saw this and got so turned on that I stopped everything in my day to cum:  http://littlelisaten.tumblr.com/post/49369673398/pretty-little-titties-have-you-seen-this-video

Twice.

1. Cold.

When I thought about it, I thought I could never do it. I couldn't fathom being turned on, let alone cumming on the day you left. I would have moments where I would ache to touch you, to run the back of my fingers over your cheek, graze them over the line of your stubble. And while thinking about you makes my heart beat faster and my stomach tighten, today I feel like I could never get to a place where I could cum.

But you have left me with an assignment and I will not let you down. You may not be here, but I am still yours wholly.

So I start with porn. I watch anything that comes onto my screen. I watch two beautiful girls fucking each other desperately. I watch play rapes unfold at school and in the desert. I watch a mother disciplining her naughty daughter, and then apologizing with her fingers. There are moments where I am frustrated with my non-response, but I refuse to stop.

And then it is there. I watch as a man, a beautiful man with stunning arms which remind me of yours, wraps his hand tightly around the neck of a dark-haired girl. I watch her struggle and I think about pressing into your hand last night. I see the pain on her face as she remains achingly still, struggling to gasp, and I remember staring you in the eye while I felt my lungs strain. I watch her lips part and nothing come out and I feel mine open, desperate to kiss you one more time.

My cunt contracts and I feel myself begin to get wetter and wetter as I think back to the way you made me tremble last night. I watch him fuck her while he grips her throat and my cunt pulses. I can feel my clit swell under and between my fingers as my pussy is slicked.

My fingers begin to push into my pussy. I tighten a little around them, and slide them back up to my swelling clit. The man in the movie releases her throat and she gasps loudly. I remember that gasp, and that collapse onto your body. As my pussy opens and I begin to get wetter and wetter, I know I am ready for the first part of my task.

The two-headed glass dildo I am going to use has been waiting for me in the freezer. It burns my hand when I grab it tightly. I can't imagine what it will do to my cunt. Goosebumps spread up my arm and then blossom across the rest of my body when I think about it. My skin is alive and my cunt is glistening. I squeeze it and feel how unforgiving it is, how unforgiving it will be on my cunt.

Before I leave the kitchen, I turn on the pot of boiling water and wonder which will come first.

When I first touch the iced tip to my clit I release a staggered gasp. It comes out broken and harried. As much as I anticipated this feeling, stroking ice cold glass full against your cunt is always a new feeling. I keep the porn going, watching intently, trying to focus on anything excited the strokes of pain which run up and down my clit.

My hand shakes as I force myself, beginning to press the hard dildo to my pussy and my fingers find my clit instead. As the pads of my fingers run up and down, I shiver again. Cold spreads, enveloping my body. My nipples stand at attention and I think back to you, telling me exactly what you want me to do. This push, this meditation on your voice and face, and I slip the dildo inside my cunt and whimper to no one.

I am alone in my apartment, legs spread, feet up on the couch, and knees pointed up. And I begin to fuck myself. The dildo is so cold that it burns the inside of my cunt. It sears. I whimper and wince and let my eyes close and picture you. I picture you watching me. I hear your voice coaxing me as I achingly fuck myself, "That's it, _______. That's it." The second your voice comes into my head, I feel my cunt tense around the dildo for the first time.

As I tense, I feel it burn my cunt, and slowly release. Again, my pussy tenses. Again. And every time, I feel the dildo get just a little warmer. I know it must still be frozen inside me, destroying skin and flesh, but I cannot stop. Almost without my knowledge I have begun to feel pleasure and I am surprised when a soft moan leaves my lips.

I begin to fuck myself a little harder, twisting the curved dildo as I begin to pump it inside my cunt over and over, firmly fucking myself and thinking of you. It has warmed just enough to where my fingers move faster on my swollen clit. The burning, the searing pain is gone. I have pushed through and this is my reward.

I am rewarded when I may cum thinking of you. And I am.

I keep fucking myself faster, harder, whimpering loudly as my fingers work my clit fearlessly. My toes curl as I fuck myself harder, your voice in my head, encouraging me. I think of your eyes on me. My pussy tenses harder, tighter. My chest rises as I gasp for air, as I begin to cry out louder and louder. My fingers work my cunt and I wonder if I am going to hurt tomorrow.

When I cum, I cry out. I scream your name and it bounces off the walls of my apartment. This orgasm, these tensing muscles, these beads of sweat, these whimpers, this pained look on my face, these closed eyes, and most of all, this pounding heart - all of it belongs to you. When I am not here, I am still your girl and I still scream out your name, Sir.

I take a moment after I cum to breathe, and the pot of water is boiling. I take a deep breath before I stand but I still fill almost drunk. But there is more to be done, and I walk over, turn off the heat, and drop the cum-slicked dildo into a boiling pot of water. In a half hour I will return, and I will commence with a second round.

But for now, I have cum, and while my body is still buzzing, my heart is coming to rest.

Savor

There is a moment when you first start to cum in my mouth when I think "this is what rapture must taste like."

Later, when I am walking down the street and caught off guard because I catch the lingering hint of your cum, I blush and my nipples get so hard they hurt.