I wish you are here but sadly, you're far, far away tonight. I want to kiss you but that's all I can do and the thought is practically painful.
Bad hurt.
I sit with my legs closed, squeezing them now and then to try and gain some pressure as I busy my hands. My clit would be raw with unsatisfying cold and emptiness if I let myself play as much as I want, trying to get the high of your hands.
I tried to watch porn, but there was nothing inspiring. I watched women and men getting fucked in position after position which we have or should have used by now. I watched cum shots until they bored me. I couldn't bare another girl on girl 69.
But I will wait. I would rather ache. I would rather wait, letting my wetness pool in my panties, letting blood and pressure build. I'll let it stew inside me, growing slowly like vines over my body until I can't take it anymore and I fuck myself wildly. Later. Alone.
I'll do everything I'm sure people already think I do. I'll mount vibrating appliances, fill my holes with dildos and thick vegetables. I'll call myself names, fucking wildly, with the purest sense of abandon. I'll play Russian roulette with fantasies, waiting until the chamber clicks and I feel like I'm going to die. I'll cum in rivers and screams and tears so hard I fear I may pass out. I'll gasp for air. I'll be sore tomorrow, and feel shame for my recklessness.
All in a wish for a single strong hand of yours coming strong across my face, the richest pain settling into my cheek and jaw.
But still I wait.
This is as close to chaste as I will ever be.
Devoted,
your
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