I hate that this makes me cum

I have this image that I can't get out of my head, probably because I hate the feeling so much.

I am on my back, but you have my hair in your hand, squeezing it tightly. My heels are touching, legs splayed. You have told me not to move, and I know the second those heels come apart, the world will only get worse. My fingers are interlaced behind my neck, elbows touching the bed behind me.

You are leaning over me, holding my head up just enough to be close to your face. You stare down and there is only the marriage of coldness and playfulness that make you look sadistic. I lean up and playfully bite at your lips, knowing it will only bring out more from you.

You fingers are on my pussy, lips open and ready for you. I can feel your cock get harder against my leg as you rub just slightly, just enough for my clit to respond, and begin smacking my cunt hard. I brace, tightening my mouth as your firm hand comes down over and over and over. I scream, but it only makes you pull my hair harder.

Without missing a beat you shove your fingers into my cunt, which is neither wet nor wanting. I am tight, and two of your fingers stretches and probably tears just enough to see blood soon. You fuck until I push back and then pull them out, going back to smacking my pussy, making my clit sting and ache.

I whimper and scream faster, wanting to pull my hands away and shove you off. There is no game. There is no reward. There is no punishment. There is simply your want to hurt and get hard and I am your toy to use.

I fucking hate this feeling. I wince every time your hand comes down with a firm smack on my clit and cunt. There is no pleasure. There is simply suffering through.

There was no build up, no experiment. You simply told me to get naked, lay down and put my heels together. I never see you more raw than when you are simply seeing a desire and filling it. I want to be that toy for you.

You continue to smack, going from rubbing my clit, to hitting my cunt over and over and over, knowing how painful it is, knowing how much I want it to stop and I know that it will go on as long as you will it so, to fucking my dry pussy with your fingers harder.

I hold my fingers tight, screaming and trying to fight the urge to spit in your face. I will suffer this. I have no choice. My cunt belongs to you, and while I love being fucked and used and touched, you are entitled to this as well. And I will gladly give. I will fight, and you will watch my face contort. I hate this feeling. I hate this pain. But I will gladly give you everything I can muster. If only to prove that I am worth your ownership.