Nature versus nurture

When you run your fingers down my spine, it makes me shiver. Initially, it was the simple sensation which elicited the response. It would shoot a little dart of electricity right into my clit and I would shiver and grind a little into the bed.

But I have learned.

Now I lay in front of you, naked save white, nylon socks pulled to the knee. My toes curl just slightly as the tips of your fingers run down my spine, barely touching my skin, but pulling a rise out of me which is so forceful it creates ripples in the air, even if the shiver itself it almost imperceptible. You feel my breath catch. You feel my heart squeeze. You feel my throat constrict, as I know what's coming now. I have been trained.

You remain clothed, and so every time I shift towards you I can feel the softness of your shirt on my arm and it is a comfort. These soft sensations which remain constant anchor me to the world. I begin to pray that you allow me this feeling, this reassurance that I am still here in this body, against you, against your shirt, and that this is familiar enough so I don't float off.

And then I feel your fingers again tickle the ridge coasting down the center of my back and again I am sent into a tremble which is not sensation but fear. You have trained this reaction. The second time you do this, I open my legs and shift, pushing my ass into the air.

Your hand grips the curve of my ass firmly, tightly, making sure to wait until I wince before you stop. I open my legs just slightly and the breath against my ear lets me know you are pleased. Two strokes and I know to be yours. I know that this is my only choice.

And without fail you plunge your fingers into my cunt. They fuck me twice before pulling out and rubbing my clit. I sink into your hand, pushing my clit against the slight pressure with which you use to tease me. I whimper, shifting my hips forward again. I hear myself whisper "please" but it takes a moment to realize I have said anything. I wonder how many times I have, in this moment, begged for more. I wonder if I did it consciously the first time I said it.

I can feel myself getting wetter and I want to fight it. I try and let my mind float into space, try and struggle against my own pleasure. I know the wetter I get, the closer it is and I don't want it.

But I want to give you everything you want.

I fight pushing into your hand, I fight feeling my clit swell. I am angrier and angrier at myself as my body responds against my will and to yours. I live every moment knowing that I own my body, that my mind is paramount, that I am in control. And then these moments show me as strongly as I can feel, that this is not the case and it makes me angry.

But even through anger, my pussy does not stop dripping into your hand.

I know the moment the first drop rolls into your palm what is to come and I have the overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry. Your fingers push back into my cunt, working it firmly, pushing deep inside me. I push back involuntarily, opening my mouth to gasp, desperate for more of you. You could do this until I cum and I would explode, whimpering and drenching your hand, shuttering and screaming and tensing on your fingers until I collapsed. But that is not what is to come.

You fuck me again, firm, and pull out. I take a breath, and before I have stopped inhaling, you shove those two fingers roughly into my ass.

I tense and bite my bottom lip trying not to scream. I can feel your breath against my ear, and you know how much I'm trying not to yell. You know it hurts, but the pain is all part of the giving. I open my mouth, arching my head up to gasp for air.

As your fingers begin to thrust, roughly, viciously, I begin to whimper. It is pained and tentative, but growing louder with each thrust. Your fingers stretch my ass, and I can feel that while they were wet with my cum, they are still rough against the skin. I want to open my legs a little more, but I know it won't help, and my comfort is not important enough to break your rule - I already know I'm not allowed to move.

I can feel you move towards me, your other arm sliding underneath my body and gripping me, painfully tight. I open my mouth again and your voice is first.

"Take it, baby." It is calm but forceful. Knowing.

I nod, taking a deep breath as my ass aches and your fingers pound. I whimper again.

"Shhh, baby. Who's ass is this?"

"Your ass."

You nod, your breath getting faster as your fingers move faster and the pain is beginning to overwhelm me. But I want to give it to you even more. I own this body and I will overcome this pain to give you everything I can give. I am trembling, and I know you can feel it, tightening my ass around your fingers, which I know only makes it worse. I cannot place if these reactions are inspired by you or nature or both.

"Yes, babygirl. It's my ass." I feel you pull your fingers out of my ass and I whimper again. I didn't realize how much I was bracing, holding my breath in between desperate noises. I hear your zipper come down and I cannot help but cry out, feeling the tears welling up already even though this is my only moment of relief.

You let this noise go as you pull out your cock and climb up to the head of the bed. I lean up as you get on your knees in front of me and grab the back of my head, pulling it down on your cock. I open my mouth dutifully and gag as you begin to roughly thrust into my mouth. The weight of my body is holding me down. I struggle to get up on my hands but you knock them away. I struggle to breath, gagging harder as strings of saliva connect my lips and the head of your cock.

I struggle to breathe as I gag harder. Tears which have come to the edge of my lashes begin to run down. Like everything else, I don't know if I am upset or if the nature of my body is taking over. Either way, I am quickly covered in tears and saliva, which is pouring out of my mouth.

You fuck my throat harder, your cock slicked and wet. I begin to moan softly, begin to bounce on your cock in reaction to your thrusts. I have exposed myself. I have revealed my enjoyment. You pull back and slap me across the face hard. My lungs seize.

"Who owns that pretty face of yours?"

"You do." My eyes narrow in on you the way they always do when you beat me.

"And who owns that throat?"

"You do." I almost growl.

"And your ass, babygirl?"

My narrowed eyes turn to anger, to aggression, to clenched teeth. "You do."

"Exactly." You push me down as you say it and move to behind me, shoving your hard cock inside my tight asshole while I scream. "Take it for me, babygirl. Give me what I want."

I fight, wanting to give you my ass against my wishes, above my own pain. I hold my ass in the air, tightening around you as you begin to pound. There is no build up. There is no tenderness tonight. There is only what is given and what is taken.

I know you will cum. I know your cum will drip out of me, down my thighs, that I will feel it on my legs as I walk. I know that I will hurt and maybe even bleed and be so sore for days. I know that this will come again, and perhaps it will hurt less next time, but it doesn't matter. I know that as I lay here with your cum in my ass as your cock pulls out, that you will tell me I was a good girl, and you will run those fingers down my spine again and I will feel nothing but pride and the deepest satisfaction that I have pleased you.