Messes She Makes

Daddy knows that I have bad habits. Everyone does, of course, but Daddy knows what they are. I think he knows, though, that when he takes that tone, looking me dead in the eyes to give me a command, I get wet first and foremost.

One of the habits that he always taunts me about is my unwillingness to go to pee until I am absolutely bursting. He has watched me hop from foot to foot, pressing my legs together while I finish dishes, chapters in books, preparing tea, or any number of other things which could easily paused if only my stubbornness would allow.

"You're going to get yourself in trouble one of these days, babygirl."

"I know, Daddy." and yet, I always push the limits, darting off to the bathroom as soon as I have finished the task before me and not a second too soon.

I see him watching me as I am doing it again today. I have a whole series of small to-dos in front of me in the kitchen and I am already bursting to go. But I will finish preparing breakfast first. All the tasks are so small, and I am determined to get everything together before I run off.

"Babydoll."

"Mmhmm?" I am pouring water into the kettle, trying to move quickly. I am hopping from foot to foot.

"Are you going to finish all of that before you sprint to the bathroom again?"

"Mmhmm!" I smile and nod at him, knowing that I can make it, even when things look precarious. I have timed this all before, and the muscle memory carries me through, even as I squeeze my legs together.

Each movement is urgent, rushed, but no less precise. I chop bananas, pull out milk, find various additions, and make sure I put together breakfast exactly as I would any other morning. I look forward to this breakfast through my entire workout and morning routines, and I refuse to create anything subpar after I push myself so hard.

The worst part is waiting for the water to boil. While I am running around the kitchen, it's easy to squeeze every necessary muscle. While I am standing and waiting, though, it is painful. When it is just on the verge of squeeling, I pour the piping water int othe mug and set the timer.

I am very conscious about my tea. There are very clear rules for black tea which people so often pretend don't exist, but they are sacred. The perfect cup of black tea steeps at 200 degrees Fahrenheit for three minutes. Four if it's flavored, generally.

And then I have three minutes to wait. I wish in this moment that I had made green tea (which steeps for 90 seconds at 175 degrees. But all I have to do is wait for 3 minutes, take out the strainer, and then I can run to the bathroom and pee, and it will be glorious.

There is a very good chance I will moan.

I stare at it and Daddy stares at me.

"You're going to wait for it?"

"Yes. I don't want it to oversteep. I made the effort, and I will see this through."

He smiles, having seen this exact trait in me. I love when he gives me protocol. I love when he gives me an exact structure to follow and I complete whatever task he sets out. I love when I am asked to perform and I arise to meet the challenge and my creation is perfect. And this ritual, this structure, is gifted to me from nature. I have no choice but to see it through. The world commands it so.

"What if I told you to let it oversteep?"

I pout. I furrow my brow. It would feel painful to watch it. It would sound obsessive-compulsive, but I would hate letting the timer go off, screaming in my ear that the process is done. That there is nothing I can do but follow my orders and watch something be destroyed in front of me.

"I would let it over steep."

"And then what would you do?"

"Drink it and immediately make another cup."

He smiles as the timer ticks down. I am squeezing my legs, until finally I put a hand between them.

"That's where you are, honey?"

I blush, smiling softly, bashfully staring at the timer.

"Your commitment is powerful, babygirl."

"Thank you, Daddy."

"I love that you would sacrifice yourself, your pride, all to complete these tasks."

I smile. I know he knows and feels my dedication every day. And this moment, this process, this dedication to simply making a cup of perfect, beautiful tea, is simply that dedication in another form. And he thinks it's powerful. I am proud.

As the buzzer goes off I pull the steeper from the cup and turn - he is standing in front of me and I gasp, giggling a little. His face is not stern, but he is remaining calm. This is the part that scares me. He is amused by something, but not feeling playful. His smiles always calm me. A neutral face, a face I love but cannot read, scares me. His hands move to his button and zipper.

"Daddy, I will, I have to-"

"No, babydoll. Right now."

I look up at him with wide eyes. I did not time for this. "Daddy, just let me."

"No." His face tells me all I need to know and I simply furrow my brow and take a deep breath. I look him in the eyes, pleading with him silently. My eyes whimper instead of my voice. I want to beg but he'll tell me to shush. "Babydoll, you're wasting time. You clearly don't have to go."

I pout harder and lean up to kiss him softly. It is not a begging kiss. It is a kiss which only confirms that I am his girl. His lips remain closed but he still kisses back, accepting what I know I will give. I let the back of my fingers run over his jaw and he finally smiles softly.

I get down on my knees slowly, pulling his pants and boxers down in the front to pull out his cock, which I immediately put into my mouth. I squeeze my legs together and take a deep breath before I fill my mouth with his growing and hardening cock. While my instinct is to simply pull and suck and lick as hard as I can and immediately get him hard and then to fill my mouth with cum, I know that this is not the blow job he deserves.

I am aching to piss, my bladder straining and muscles aching, but that does not mean I can give him anything less. I slide my lips down the shaft before I drop my jaw and pull all of him back into my mouth. As he hardens, I can feel the tip pushing back into my throat.

As he starts to push, I hold steady and begin to gag. This is the moment where my eyes always water and the first pools of drool begin. As I gag and my body tightens I squeeze my muscles tightly, whimpering. I try and concentrate as my body spasms and it becomes seemingly impossible to hold on for a split second.

I hear him moan and I try and take a breath through my nose. As his cock swells I begin to pump my head slowly, pulling it to its full length. I do love his cock in my mouth, like no one else I have ever fucked. As my lips slide, and my tongue runs over the smoothing ridges in his swollen shaft, I begin to feel my clit swelling as well. As much as my stomach muscles hurt (I can already see the tiny belly bump my bladder is creating) the pain and pressure is making my pussy ache all the more.

I move my mouth fast, sucking a little harder, my hand wrapping around the base as I open my mouth and the first pools of drool run out and down the front of my chest. It pours out, slicking my chin and beginning to soak my shirt. I will soon be slipping in a pool on the hardwood floor.

He takes my chin in his hand and I know to open my mouth and slide my tongue over my bottom teeth. He begins to fuck my mouth, to fuck my throat, and my body begins to tense again. I always push back to his cock, wanting more of him, even while my body reacts in panic. I can feel my muscles spasm, confused where to put their horror at my need to serve.

I dart a hand between my legs and squeeze. I can feel myself reaching my limit, and my bladder simply hurts. I debate trying to let a little go, but I know that's a terrible idea. I can't remember the last time I pushed my bladder this hard, and the pain is catching me off guard. I am trying to focus on his cock, as every time I squeeze between my legs, my mouth goes a little loose. When I feel my jaw slack a little I keep having to catch myself to open it again, to let him drive his cock into my throat as much and as long and as hard as he wants.

But I ache none the less. My brain is scattered and I want to cry. I feel so lost and so desperate. He is destroying me. He fucks faster. I look up at him, and the pleasure written across his face makes me resolute. I want to please him. I want his cum in my throat.

With one hand still pushing tight against my pussy, I place the other one on the shaft of his cock and begin to stroke him into my mouth. His hands move to the back of my head and I begin to suck eagerly again. I want his cock. I want to please. I want to make him cum. I feel his cock pulse and hear him groan as he realizes how much I want it.

I squeeze my legs, shifting back and forth so I can focus on his cock while I try and hold on. I realize as I am eagerly working the beautiful, swollen erection in my mouth that I have begun to whimper. He loves to watch me struggle. I am so focused on so many things that I am not even noticing that am I covered in spit, and my nose has begun to run. The only thing I can do is squeeze my pussy tighter, feeling just barely on the brink and suck his cock. They are the only things that matter in the world right now.

He begins to push harder into my mouth and though this is what I wanted - I know he is getting closer and closer to spilling his sticky, thick cum into my throat and all over my lips - I am caught off guard. Being so focused on his cock, on sucking him eagerly and fully, I am surprised by the feeling of his tip piercing my throat.

I feel it - the first squirt of piss into my already wet panties. I open my mouth and gasp, my face betraying any calm. It is just a squirt but it is enough to feel it run down my thigh and it takes everything inside me to clamp down and hang on.

I look up at him, not sure if I should continue or stop or cry. He looks down at me, kneeling, covered in spit and tears and snot and my juices and now a single shot of warm piss which has dripped just barely onto the floor. I am still struggling.

I have never seen more need in his eyes. When he is beating me, disciplining me, when we are playfully wrestling and I get a tiny edge and he must actually reach down for strength - I have never seen a deeper need to cum in my life written across his face. I open my mouth, my hand tight between my legs and he fucks my mouth hard, forcing me to gag and whimper and drool all over his cock. My face, my makeup, is long destroyed.

I hear him get closer and he fucks harder. I hear him strain and fuck my open, wet mouth, thrusting hard between my lips as I lean up to cross my legs, squeezing them together. I slip a little and another shot of piss squirts out into my panties. I make a loud whimpering, pained noise. He responds with his own and I pull back and open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

He cums hard, spraying wave after wave of sweet, hot cum across my lips and face and into my throat. He cums epically hard, shooting every drop he can. I am covered. And when I am sure he is done and I have licked the last of cum from the tip of his cock I stand and run as fast as I can to the bathroom.

I being peeing as I slide my panties down my legs, soaking them further and sitting with a loud moan. I gasp and close my eyes as I re-create the moment that just happened and piss hard, achingly, with a sense of relief that is unparalleled. I am practically trembling, my legs weak and shaking from their hard work.

He slowly walks to the bathroom, as the door has remained wide open. I must look a fright - soaking panties around my knees, eyes closed, mascara smudged and tearing down my cheeks, covered in spit from my lips down the front of my chest, and with streaks of piss down my inner thighs. When I open my eyes he is standing, clothed, staring at his messy, exhausted baby girl, a smile softening me and making me smile back.

"You did a good job, babydoll."

"Thank you, Daddy."

"I'm proud of you."

I smile as he walks over leans down to kiss me softly on the lips. I cannot stand yet. "Thank you, Smith." I smile at him and push my panties off my legs and throw them in the sink. "I'm a mess."

"You are. It's beautiful. Shall we get you cleaned up?"

I nod as he turns on the shower. I have made him proud. He knows how far I will go, how hard I will try to be good for him. And now, he will take care of his prized girl. This is my ecstasy. My euphoria.

To dream.

When I lay in bed at night, I usually sleep on my stomach. Whether I like it or not, I often think about you and begin grinding into the bed. When I sleep beside someone it's even worse, as another body in be beside me reminds me of you.

And so I find myself fighting not to touch, not to reach down between my legs and achingly rub my clit, to push my fingers into myself, to think about you watching me, or better yet, to think of you beside me, your body wrapped around mine, your fingers plunging inside me over and over while your cock stiffens against my ass.

I get soaked. I leave drips of my cum on the sheets. I ache not being able to cum. I feel my clit ache with the throbbing of blood pulsing to it, demanding attention. I pout and whimper and hurt because your cock is not filling me.

Your memory is my ultimate tease. Because it means that all I want, all I can think about is how you are not inside me when that is all I want in the world. What I would give to live a life devoted to being used by you, your cum perpetually drying on my skin or dripping out of my cunt, which is always waiting and ready for you.

It tastes like pride.

The surge of energy when she hits me is intoxicating. I can see nothing but her face. I can feel nothing but her fist. I can hear nothing but my own breathing. And I can taste nothing but the copper taste of blood in my mouth from the cut where my lip and tooth connected.

Two others hold my arms and all I can do is hold my ground and pride, letting her slap and punch and grab and grope. She wants to make me small. She wants to destroy and degrade and shame, but more than that she wants me to prove that I am worth the attention she is lavishing on my body.

And she is extolling a great deal of attention. I gasp, aching and humbled by her punches, but not ready to break.

"Aren't you scared I'm going to hurt you?"

"I'm not afraid to be hurt."

She smiles and lands another hard smack on my cheek, holding my face to look back at her. "You're bleeding."

I nod, spitting to the side, and the spit comes out bright and brilliant red. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Are you wet, too?"

"I'm not sure, but I bet you'll fuck me either way."

She laughs, holding my face again. "Are you worthy?" Her lips are so close to mine, and this, this briefest of touches, will get me wet.

"I believe I am."

"Are you mine?"

"I am mine, Ma'am. But I will let you use me." She slaps me again. Harder. I smile, red seeping in between my teeth as my lips curl up and open.

For the file. 006.

He was on his back and I was on all fours over him. We were only a foot or so from the mirror and so it was easy to see every movement; the light from the building around through the windows was enough.

The shadows moved as fast we my mouth over his cock, eagerly bounding up and down the shaft. It felt amazing in my mouth, feeling the head of his cock stroking the roof of my mouth. I pushed my nose into his body and the head into the back of my throat, forcing myself to gag, forcing my eyes to water.

His large, strong hand held all of my hair tightly. He pushed my head down harder before pulling me back and turning my face to look, to see what he saw.

"Do you see how beautiful you are?" I see myself gasping, leaning up on my hands, arching down, aching to take him in my mouth again.

He pushes my head back down on his cock, bobbing it up and down, gasping more, letting the cascades of saliva slide down out of my mouth and over his shaft. I want it in my mouth. I want it in my cunt. I want to feel him. I want to make him cum. I want to be a good girl and please him. My eyes water more and I know my lips are swollen and slicked with the drool which is running down my chin.

He pulls my head back up and turns it again. "And every time I do it, you just get more beautiful."

He repeats the act again and again, and each time I am messier. Each time I am more degraded. Each time I am looking more and more like the used slut that he knows I am. I am raw and dirty and messy and broken and I am perfectly at peace, for this is exactly where I am supposed to be. This is exactly the girl I want to be.

Pause on the Porn for a sec

So I'm going to have a non-porn entry, which we can all admit is pretty damn rare. I'm going to make a quick little stand, and you can read it or not read it, but I will say: I put up, absolutely free with no strings or questions attached, some pretty raunchy shit. I do it for myself, I love that people are enjoying it, and I don't intend to ever make this a pay site or anything like that. So now and then, I hope that I have won enough favor from you guys to also read a REALLY short plea for a tiny, miniscule moment for something that feels like incredibly low-threshold social justice for no other reason than I care about it, and I would appreciate it.

By now a lot of you may have heard about this Cheerios ad: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/cheerios-commercial-racist-backlash_n_3363507.html and the absolutely horrific, racist outrage and backlash it's received. It's actually just a really sweet ad where a mixed-race family is featured - that's all. Shockingly, even when you have parents of different races, you still eat cereal. (And yes, we can talk about the definition of couples/family representations which aren't shown, etc, but I don't find that helpful.)

As many of you guys know, I'm not white, I'm actually mixed-race Asian and white. Lots of people assume I'm white (which is not a big deal at all), and I haven't run into nearly as many of the really offensive moments as many others who stand out more. But there is something about being "different" looking and people feeling entitled to walk up and hit you with "so what ARE you?"* or assume they know and need to ascribe not only a race/ethnicity to you but characteristics in which you are deficient. (I've been told I'm a poor representative of Latinas because I don't speak Spanish. I told her I was a poor representative of Latinas because I wasn't Latina.)

So here's my ask. Buy Cheerios. That's it. I've bought two boxes in the last week. And yes, I had another cereal I always bought before but now I'm switching to Cheerios. It's not a huge act, and we could all do more. But in the meantime, switch to Cheerios. They showed a family that looked closer to mine than I have ever seen in a mainstream, normalized way AND THEN stood up to all the assholes out there who said horrible, offensive, racist things very loudly. And so I'm switching to Cheerios from here on out. If I'm going to put my $3.50/box somewhere, they win. Thank you, Cheerios. It felt really nice.

(Moment of irony: I actually NEVER ate cereal growing up. My mom's Asian, so lactose intolerant. We didn't really drink milk. I ate noodles with chopsticks for breakfast. No shit. But I'm a Cheerios girl now.)

*I'm not saying it's not ok to ask, or be curious, but please be polite! "Excuse me, I just wanted to say that I think you're beautiful - may I ask your ethnic makeup?" is a very different experience than "So, what ARE you?" And be aware that even when you do this politely, you're inserting yourself into someone's space/life and kind of demanding that they categorize themselves for your benefit. Not saying that's a bad thing or something inappropriate, just something to be aware of.

3. Calm

I have cum twice, both times for you. Both times I moaned and whimpered and cried out, and came so hard I was breathless. My pussy aches from the turn from cold to hot, from being fucked hard by something unforgiving. But I sit on the couch, catching my breath, feeling my pussy pulse and spasm.

I slowly pull the glass dildo out of my cunt, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to slow my heart back to normal. I roll my head back and breathe slowly, coming down. The process of coming down is always a small bit of work. I could easily float for so long, letting everything return to normal, but letting the glow of submission live on.

When we are together, I let that linger on. When I am by your side, I live in the tingling afterglow of submission, of degradation, of humiliation, and I curl into your body in a way that allows me the safety of that lack of awareness. I hide from the real world, tucking myself into the safest space I could imagine: you.

But I am not with you. I am simply worshiping you from afar.

I stand, catching my breath and balance. Walking back to the kitchen, I turn on the water again, heating it to a quick boil. It bubbles to the surface quickly, popping and warbling with heat. The more it trembles from the heat, the more I can focus on it, letting it temper my come down.

I turn off the heat and move to the cup, pouring the water in slowly, though it pops and explodes as it crosses the heated metal. The water splashes around the cup as well as it in and I can't even be bothered to slow the pour. It envelopes the tea, though I leave ample space at the top.

Usually, I love the ritual of tea. I let the moments where I can steep a cup break up my day and I worship every second. I time each steep, making sure to choose the perfect allotment of time depending on the boldness of the tea, type of leaf, type of bag, quality of the tea, and a myriad of other factors. I let it steep, quietly, not pulling or dipping the bag like people often do. I trust my diffusers to do their job without me. I give them calm. And when the bell digs I pull the teabag out, pour in whatever else (almost milk, often) I choose, and am rewarded. My commitment to ritual, to trust, to taking the two or I've or nine minutes required for something perfect, and I am met with something that I have participated in.

My ritual for this, though, is not for reverence of the tea, but instead reverence to you.

The tea steeps and I realize a few moments in I haven't set the timer. When it looks somewhat done I pull the bag out, and take hold of the dildo. It is covered twice over in my cum and juices. And with just as much precision as I usually measure out Russian Caravan of Oolong, I let the dildo descend into the stir, slowly stirring it, washing it clean, allowing it to mix with the smokiness of black tea.

I let it sit, let it steep just as well, until I know that it is slicked clean. And just to be sure, I pull it from the water and slide the smooth, hot tip into my mouth, letting my tongue run over it... just to be sure.

I sit with the tea and meditate on this feeling. I cannot help but smile as my heart speeds and slows once more. The couch nestles me, allowing my breathing to come back. My flesh, which still prickled with goosebumps, has again laid and relaxed. My blood has drifted back to its slower currents, no longer coursing through my veins with need and panic. My pupils have re-found comfort in light. My breathing has lost its momentary hiccups. And most of all, my heart has calmed.

With every sip, I descend a little more until my feet are back on the ground. I gulp it faster as it cools, letting the tea and cum roll down my throat and coat me from the inside out. I feel like I am being welcomed home. And though you are still achingly far, you are here. And I am again calm.

Tell me anything.

I can tell you anything? Anything in the world? Anything?

How about this: Sometimes I like to fantasize about laying on my stomach with my ass perched up just enough so that you can fuck me from behind. You're holding my hips and slamming into me. I'm leaning on my forearms and gripping the sheets, and you're fucking me deeper and deeper. I put one hand down between my legs to rub my clit hard, pushing back against you. Sometimes you grab my hair and turn my head to spit on my face, and then you turn my head back down into the bed. You cum inside me, hard, grinding your cock into my pussy, making sure that every time you explode, I am filled. Then you turn me over and make me rub my clit and finger myself for you. You watch as your cum coats my fingers and I keep shoving them back in, forcing every single drop I can deeper into my cunt. You hold my legs open, pressing them down, knowing it probably hurts a bit, until I cum for you, one hand on my clit, one hand fucking myself, covered in my cum and yours.


Sometimes.